Minor Heroes

As my 24th year begins, I feel it's time to take stock, consolidate my position, and systematically destroy my enemies.

And yet as I grow older, the competition is also getting younger. Some of them are barely pubescent, and -- as demonstrated by my top-3 list of stylish minors below the fold -- most possess the kind of reckless insouciance and lack of irony which naturally hinder the man in his twenties.

3. Tavi Gevinson (13)

Tavi was recently photographed posing with Marc Jacobs and Yohji Yamamoto, and has a snotty little website. It's really only a matter of time before she devours Anna Wintour and starts prowling around the offices of Condé-Nast, stealing essences.

She looks pretty fierce, I guess. But she can't drink and she can't have sex. So what is even the point of dressing like a twat.

3. Diva Davanna (9)

Diva reminds me of an acid remark which Patsy's editor in Ab Fab makes about models: 'If they get any younger, Pats, they'll be chucking fetuses down the catwalk'

 Courtesy of fourfour

Diva was recently featured on the latest episode of my favourite twelve-way bitchfest orchestrated by a psychotic narcissist who categorises her 275 smiles, America's Next Top Model. As Rich Juzwiak -- of fourfour and potpsychology delectability -- comments "If this little girl is this commanding at 9, I'm kind of scared for the future, because I feel like worldwide dictatorship isn't out of the question."

1. Arlo Weiner (8)

Arlo is my favourite, partly because of his hilarious name, and partly because he is the son of Mad Men creator, Matthew Weiner.

Describing this - his Valentine's Day ensemble - he demonstrates a kind of naive sophistiction as he describes twinning velvets with argylle socks, and explaining his two stacked bow ties - which sweetly his dad had to tie for him. I take some comfort in the fact that although Arlo is more than half my age, I don't need anyone's help squeezing into my Spanx.