WHO HAIR

It seems that the casting directors for Doctor Who have a little obsession with hair. One of the first things the last two doctors have said in the role was to enquire whether they had ginger hair, and Steven Moffat - the new lead writer of the show - is reported to speak of "the Hair" in terms of reverent awe.

 It seems twas ever thus. Paul McGann reports that "Matt [Smith] said that in the auditions they could not stop talking about his hair. They were telling him his hair was wonderful — that’s exactly what happened to me when I got the part."

Here at fitcrit, we're not exactly suggesting that actors should be cast based purely upon their hair. Well, I suppose that's exactly what we're saying. So here are all the Doctors, stripped bare to their essential hair. Feel free to insert your face anywhere you like, although remember to send us a copy.

1. William Hartnell. Setting a standard which few have managed to live up to. 8/10

2. Patrick Troughton. I think we all had this haircut at the age of four, although I'm disappointed that we never capitalised on looking like the second doctor. That loose bow is also very now. 9/10

3. Jon Pertwee. For the first Doctor of the seventies I find this rather disappointing, though there is a pleasing pouffiness. In other news, the switch on the sonic screwdriver is clearly round the other side, you numpty. 5/10

4. Tom Baker. Good old Baker. 7/10. Although, again, given that it is the seventies, I really want something approaching the magnificence of this.

5. Peter Davison. He has question marks picked out in sequins on his collars. This is unforgivable. Crap doctor, crap hair. 2/10

6. Colin Baker. The second Baker is a poor imitation of the first, cross-fertilised with Anne Diamond, Joseph's Technicolour Dreamcoat, and a Thatcher blouse. Thus combining three of the worst aspects of the eighties. 4/10

7. Sylvester McCoy. What McCoy lacks in hair, he makes up for with a shit hat. Even Peter Davison has the decency to take his off when he's being photographed. Again with the question marks. Even I know not to take fashion advice from Davison. 1/10.

8. Paul McGann. The pose says Severus Snape, the centre-parted ringlets say Shirley Temple. Disturbing. 0/10

9. Christopher Eccleston. How the hell did he get the part, given that he has no hair for the producers to rave about?? 5/10

10. David Tennant. Even without a face, he still manages to be handsome. Ten out of Tennant.

11. Matt Smith. Matt combines the floppiness of Peter Davison, the worst doctor, with the spiky attitude of Tennant, the best doctor. So who knows whether he will be a success or not. Certainly my attempt at hair-divination has proved fruitless. We shall have to wait and see! ?/10

And finally....

No account of Doctor Who hair would be complete without a couple of copper beauties. Phwoar, eh, lads and lessies?